just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
