My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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