I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
