Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
