Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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