how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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