My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
