I love black thongs
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
