Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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