you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
