Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
