Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
