I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
