Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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