Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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