You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
