How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
