Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
