new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
