You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
