Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
