He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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