she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
