I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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