dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You can't special order awesome
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
