I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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