"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
