is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
