Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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