i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's shark week go big or go home
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
