the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
