My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
