she looked like the before picture.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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