At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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