Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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