And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
