I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My penis needs a shock collar
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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