Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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