I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
