Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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