just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
