That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
