My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
