its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
