Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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