if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
