Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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