I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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