Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
