Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
