so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
