So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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