I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
