Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
