you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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