and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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