Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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