Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
