I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
